Dead-end thoughts

Dead End sign

 

This afternoon I was just getting showered at about 5 pm. I started to feel negative about my day, because my mom had given me some ingredients to make enchiladas this morning, and I hadn’t gotten the dinner made yet. She would be here soon, and I felt bad. That negative thought led to another (“Why am I so bad at getting dinner made all the time?” “Why can’t I get more done?”) and suddenly my thoughts were headed down a dead end road.

It must have been the Spirit that said, “Hey, wait a minute! Just because you didn’t get dinner made doesn’t mean you’re a terrible mother or that you didn’t have a good day. Think about what you have done that made it so you didn’t get dinner made.” (Lane has said positive things like that to me, so it may have been the Spirit bringing his words to my remembrance.)

And so I thought about it: I took a child to a music lesson. I picked up some things at my mom’s and helped her fix her music stand. I cleaned up the kitchen. I watered the garden. I practiced with Anna. I gave an interview over the phone with Sarah for an English paper.  I prepared for a music lesson and taught one. I helped Eliza with her babysitting. I went to another music lesson. I helped Eliza some more with her babysitting, and then I got in the shower. All day I had opportunities to serve that I took. I didn’t get some things done that I had wanted to, but I did help where help was needed, and I did it the best I could in the moment.

I felt better. I was reminded of how often my brain can slip into negative thoughts when I’m tired and hungry. I’m grateful that the Spirit helped me stop in my tracks and re-evaluate, so I didn’t have to go any further down the dead end road of fault-finding.

As a side note, after I wrote the post about Elder Perry, I decided I would try to have three weeks of no bad days. I realized that I simply needed to look for the good in whatever happened that day, and then it could be a good day. I can say that I have had no bad days since then–even though I had a very difficult challenge and have made plenty of mistakes–including getting very mad, overeating, going to bed too late, buying something I didn’t need with money that shouldn’t have been spent that way, procrastinated something that was important, and found fault in one of my children, to name a few. But I have also apologized and recognized my mistakes (I’m sure not all of them) and decided that I’m going to just keep doing my best, repenting and trying to do better. I don’t have to be perfect. And every day can be a good day! It feels much better than feeling sad about my days.

 



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